kneeshooter: (sitback)
[personal profile] kneeshooter
My name is Simon and I used to be a blogger.

I’m sure everyone has half-finished projects – and the internet does a great job of reminding me of this. There are long-neglected websites, blogs and journals that come close to haunting me and reminding me of my own inadequacies.

But all is not lost. There’s so much going on to be happy, or even excited about in my life right now. I’ve a lot of other people to thank for it and I can hope that with massive change coming up that they will all be there, continuing to be wonderful.

Nothing is as liberating as quitting your job. I wasn’t unhappy in Nottingham particularly – but the promise and picture I’d created in my head wasn’t delivering. It would have been so easy to concentrate on the positives – like the colleagues and the addictive national stage. Ultimately I had a choice to accept it and play the game better, or do something rash, impulsive, expensive and arguably risky. Not like me at all – but perhaps how I want to be?

Numbers are flashing before my eyes. I blink and I’ve missed another week. Not to mention the digits inexorably decreasing in my bank account. But heh – can’t be buried with it – and it’s not worth a lot sitting in the bank.

One thing I’ve not seen a lot of this year is snow. Normally at this time I’d be full of the joys of winter. Not this year. Whilst all around me are careering down mountains I’ve been working harder than I have in years. I don’t particularly expect or deserve sympathy on this. But believe me when I say I’ve done more work in a single term than I did in the entire three years of my undergraduate. Mind you, that wouldn’t have been difficult.

Essay writing has been interesting. Last night my head was afire with ideas after working all weekend. Of course the coffee may have helped! Maybe I should join the massed ranks of underpaid academics. At least one of my lecturers agrees if an unambiguous question on my interest in a PhD is to be believed. Of course she went quiet when I mentioned funding.

The main thing I am missing at the moment is my camera. They are both hidden away in bags – for fear that the unblinking eye will stare and guilt at me. I’ve not spent the time on it. I’ve not dealt with my backlog. I’ve not updated my website. I spent my last planned weekend away taking photos wrestling with EBSCO and JSTOR. Not quite the same level of photographic indulgence. I have plans of course, though my confidence in my ability to deliver has been slightly dented.

Odyssey looks more likely. Working on it is both a joy and a pain. It is fascinating to be in the company, however virtual, with such a range of people. Sometimes I feel the majority of the weight of the project is on my shoulders. And there’s probably a reason for that. It is a wonderful opportunity though – and I think of the prize.

Change is coming. Flush from the success of the last impulsive decision I risk being in freefall. Sod moving my cheese – it seems to have dropped out of a high-flying aircraft and has reached terminal velocity. It looks like I’ll be in London over the summer. Beyond that? I don’t know. I need a job. I’m hungry for opportunity and that might mean the big smoke. There are a number of seductive elements to the place but Birmingham isn’t without its charms.

Which brings me onto Love. Not a word I know how to use particularly well. But I’m learning. To say I’ve been reminded what it’s about is an understatement – both giving and receiving.

I think that’s enough for now. See you in another year.

Date: 2009-03-09 03:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] furzepig.livejournal.com
Aw! I think that has to be the most sentimental I've ever seen you be.

Fascinating reading, and it was also great chatting last night. I was reflecting afterwards that you looked the most energised I've seen you be in a long time.

More please! (Also - more photos! when it becomes less guilt/chore-laden and exams are done with)

Date: 2009-03-09 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liz-lowlife.livejournal.com
What a stunningly beautiful piece of writing, Hun...honestly. X

Date: 2009-03-09 05:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lupercal.livejournal.com
Awwww! Glad everything's going ok!

Date: 2009-03-09 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pax-draconis.livejournal.com
There's a new energy about you, that's for sure. I've noticed it several times recently and it's very clear and quite compelling.

You are making working on the project fun and easy - everything that every project of this size and scope should be.

Damn good post, sah.

Date: 2009-03-09 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com
Good to hear how life is going.

Date: 2009-03-09 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com
We missed you, but this all sounds good.

Date: 2009-03-09 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sparksoflight.livejournal.com
It's you! "Another year", pish. RETURN IN FULL AT ONCE. I liked your posts.

Date: 2009-03-09 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ayrton-nix.livejournal.com
So did you find something to do for your project type thingy?

As for the L word, we have some catching up to do I think *beam*.

Date: 2009-03-09 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quondam.livejournal.com
Cheese out of high flying aircraft... related to my stilton incident over Greenland, perhaps?

V proud of you - long may your success and happiness continue.

Date: 2009-03-09 10:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maleghast.livejournal.com
Just wanted to say that this is all good (as far as I can tell), and I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying the result of making bold choices:-)

The weekend was good (not wishing to rub your nose in it at all), but I did miss you as well, while completely understanding why you couldn't be there.

See you soon, I hope :-)

Date: 2009-03-09 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steve-c.livejournal.com
'Underpaid academics'! Hah! They (we) get a damn good salary for the work they do and they also get to do a challenging and hugely rewarding job. I've become very sick of working in a university on the admin side of things and listening to people who are immensely privileged to have such a well paid job with such good working conditions whingeing about their pay and work load. So much of the donkey work is foisted off on associate lecturers and PhD students in any case.
Edited Date: 2009-03-09 10:50 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-03-10 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ed-fortune.livejournal.com
Post More.

Nuff Said.

Date: 2009-03-10 09:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] littleonionz.livejournal.com
Love is gud.

Date: 2009-03-10 10:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athena25.livejournal.com
Good to see you on the internets, sorry about the lack of snow, although remember that London did do its best...

Date: 2009-03-10 11:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mimeticgel.livejournal.com
Sounds like a lull before the storm and all around are interesting options?

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