Corrosive Shame

I'm not really getting it at the moment. I feel listless and disconnected. I'm sleeping too much and at the same time not at all. I'm in limbo in many ways and all around me I see and hear triggers that bring things back to me that I'd rather not remember.

I'm sure it's a passing phase - and at least it's not a dark cloud. It's just kind of grey. I want passion and enthusiasm - not a sense of overwhelming mediocrity and boredom. And the weekend? Outlook is damp and drizzly. Anyone got any smart ideas?

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Last weekend I managed one night out of the two - bailing on the Cruxshadows I made it to Nottingham for Kryogenix which was fun - though I was getting a little tired. Then on Sunday I did some fiddling with photographs and developed the latest in my line of game addictions to Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds after having just finally finished The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth. Fortunately I know my addiction model very well...

The weekend was also the chance to watch the latest BSG. To start with it smacked of "cheap, mid-season filler" but as it went on I warmed to it and found it quite an interesting character driven episode. Still, not quite the pace, energy and utter bleakness I've enjoyed in the majority of the series so far.

I had a terrible day of work on Wednesday in London - despite being well up to do a talk to a reasonable sized conference I got a little flustered and was too fast. Nothing like a stick to beat yourself with (when there's the lack of anyone else to beat) but hopefully LJ-oriented catharsis will help. The day was improved by a pleasant early evening chatting about photography.

Yesterday was, as well as the last night of our first Cthulhu adventure, was the final artw*nk Photography section. Looking back over the past few weeks I get a sense I've become more confident in my work, more open minded and also more able to communicate about what I'm trying to do. As much as I'm energised about anything at the moment I'm energised about doing more, different shoots.

Which is why I am doing "yet another" gig tonight (Levellers) though on my own at present.

I did however succumb to online temptations and order some lights yesterday - "accelerating towards penury" I think is the phrase.

I suppose I'd better do some work now - though I do feel like I'm on gardening leave despite the fact a contract still hasn't turned up.

Why does news always come in pairs?

Firstly I'd like to be clear there must be better ways of starting a month than waking up with nausea at 2am. Clearly fate has decided to pay me back for my rather blasé attitude to side effects.

In other news, debates over LRP videos led me to watch Chapter One of IMPS. It's very funny and recommended for everyone with an inner Star Wars Geek. So that's probably most people I know other than ant_girl...

I also watched War of the Worlds and rewatched Miami Vice over the last few days. The former, while having some nice SFX was pretty damn dreary. It wasn't bleak enough to be anything close to Threads et al and as a result was just rather mediocre. Miami Vice, aided by the ability to skip through the tedious shower scenes, was much better than on first watching. I think this was down to expectation management, but because I wasn't expecting it to be a slick, music driven rollercoaster with the characterisation of Heat - I could actually enjoy (as far as possilbe) watching a story with the consistency of custard attempt to justify why Colin Farrell ever thought facial hair was a good idea. The best music in the film is still at the start though.

Collateral is next and I still must see The Prestige.

Anyone going to Cruxshadows/Trauma Pet tonight btw? I'm kinda tempted but I'm not sure I want to go all the way to Nuneaton on my own (driving to avoid being trapped at the mercy of a goth-bus).

And finally... SMOKING BAN, JULY 1st 2007! Excellent!